December 15, 2007

Weather warnings with flair

A colleague and I chuckle over the writing style of the weather warnings issued in our area. Even when the weather itself is nothing to laugh at, someone is clearly a big fan of the old thesaurus and does his/her best to avoid the dry, matter-of-fact reporting style of years past.

We are expecting a really nasty winter storm starting overnight tonight and into tomorrow. Here's our current weather warning, italics mine (sorry for the all-caps; apparently Mr. Thesaurus isn't familiar with Mr. Internet Etiquette):

A NEAR-CRIPPLING SNOW STORM WITH HEAVY SNOW AND BLOWING SNOW AS WELL AS SOME ICE PELLETS TONIGHT AND SUNDAY. THIS IS A WARNING THAT DANGEROUS WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE IMMINENT OR OCCURRING IN THESE REGIONS. MONITOR WEATHER CONDITIONS..LISTEN FOR UPDATED STATEMENTS.
A MASSIVE WINTER STORM IS ABOUT TO STRIKE MUCH OF SOUTHERN AND EASTERN ONTARIO WITH NEAR RECORD SNOWFALL AMOUNTS. LATEST ANALYSES INDICATES (should be "indicate", there's no "s" when the subject is plural, as "analyses" is) THAT THE DEVELOPING LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM IS MOVING INTO WESTERN TENNESEE PRECEEDED BY A BURGEONING AREA OF MODERATE SNOW WITH SOME FREEZING PRECIPITATION EXTENDING NORTH TO LAKE ERIE. THE LOW WILL MOVE NORTHEAST TOWARDS THE LOWER GREAT LAKES AND INTENSIFY RAPIDLY AS IT REACHES OHIO SUNDAY MORNING THEN TRACK ACROSS NEW YORK STATE INTO NEW ENGLAND SUNDAY NIGHT. THIS STORM TRACK WILL PLACE MUCH OF SOUTHERN AND EASTERN ONTARIO DIRECTLY UNDER THE BRUNT OF HEAVY SNOW. A FEW CLAPS OF THUNDER ALONG WITH BURSTS OF VERY HEAVY SNOW ARE ALSO LIKELY. PATCHY AREAS OF SNOW HAVE AFFECTED PORTIONS OF SOUTHERN ONTARIO TODAY AS WELL AS A LAKE SNOW BAND MEANDERING ACROSS TORONTO. THERE IS A CHANCE THAT THIS BAND MAY INTENSIFY THIS EVENING OVER TORONTO GIVING LOCALLY 5 CM OR MORE. THE BRUNT OF THE MAIN SNOW EVENT WILL BEGIN THIS EVENING IN THE SOUTHWEST AND RAPIDLY ENVELOP ALL REGIONS EAST TO OTTAWA IN THE OVERNIGHT HOURS. COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SNOW AS WELL AS STRONG WINDS CAUSING BLOWING SNOW ARE EXPECTED. FREEZING RAIN IS ALSO POSSIBLE NEAR LAKE ERIE. WIDESPREAD SNOWFALL ACCUMULATIONS OF 20 TO 30 CM ARE EXPECTED IN MOST AREAS TONIGHT AND SUNDAY. SOME LOCAL AMOUNTS OF 40 CM OR MORE ARE QUITE LIKELY IN A FEW AREAS BY SUNDAY NIGHT..ESPECIALLY FROM THE WEST END OF LAKE ONTARIO AND EASTWARDS INTO FAR EASTERN ONTARIO. SIGNIFICANT BLOWING SNOW IS EXPECTED TO ACCOMPANY THE HEAVY SNOW DUE TO STRONG NORTHEAST WINDS GUSTING TO 60 KM/H WHIPPING UP THE FRESHLY FALLEN SNOW AND CAUSING WHITEOUT CONDITIONS. IN ADDITION FREEZING RAIN IS POSSIBLE ESPECIALLY NEAR LAKE ERIE FOR A FEW HOURS OVERNIGHT AND SUNDAY MORNING AS MILDER AIR PAYS A BRIEF VISIT ALOFT. ICE PELLETS ARE ALSO QUITE POSSIBLE GENERALLY ALONG AND SOUTH OF A LINE FROM GRAND BEND TO NEAR TORONTO AND EAST TO CORNWALL. THE PUBLIC SHOULD BE PREPARED TO CHANGE PLANS ACCORDINGLY TO AVOID UNNECESSARY TRAVEL DURING THIS STORM. THIS MASSIVE SNOW STORM HAS THE POTENTIAL TO CAUSE NEAR-PARALYZING CONDITIONS AS ROAD TRAVEL ON ANY UNPLOWED STREETS MAY BECOME NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE ON SUNDAY. ALL MOTORISTS WHO MUST TRAVEL ARE URGENTLY ADVISED TO USE EXTREME CAUTION AND PLAN FOR MUCH EXTRA TIME TO REACH THEIR DESTINATION. THERE IS A HIGH DEGREE OF CERTAINTY WITH THIS STORM AS THE CONCENSUS OF WEATHER MODEL DATA IS VIRTUALLY UNANIMOUSLY FORECASTING THIS EVENT. ENVIRONMENT CANADA CONTINUES TO CLOSELY MONITOR THIS SITUATION. THE WINTER STORM WARNINGS WILL LIKELY BE EXPANDED NORTHEAST ACROSS THE REMAINDER OF THE REGIONS THIS AFTERNOON.

PLEASE REFER TO THE LATEST PUBLIC FORECASTS FOR FURTHER DETAILS.

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